i don't care what wheaties think of themselves; frosting and cookies is clearly the breakfast of champions. of course, by champions, i mean people who wake up at the crack of 11 AM and eat sugar and cottonseed oil with their fingers.i could have picked something more nutritious for breakfast, but if you are what you eat, consider me preserved until 2094.
and people think cold showers are the key to longevity.
that's something that really pisses me off: the obsession with things that will allegedly prolong and improve your life- superfoods. green tea is a superfood, açaí berries are a superfood, blueberries are superfoods. know what else is a superfood? the fukk-yu berry from the amazon rainforest.
really? i'm supposed to believe that my quality of life will be infinitely improved by chewing on rainforest fruit? and if you really believe that green tea is going to fix what ails you, i have a car i'd like to sell you.
the people who rave about superfoods are the same smug people who find chocolate mousse "too rich" and push it away after one bite. the next time someone tells me about the health virtues of a rare berry from a poor country with a lot of kidnapping and gun violence, i'm going to strap them into their ergonomic chair and force feed them bread pudding.
another demographic that pisses me off is people who talk about how "red wine is so good for you." oh, shut up. just because you saw that shit on msn after you logged out of hotmail doesn't mean i want to hear you talk about it. do you like the taste of red wine? fine, drink it and enjoy it. do you want to improve your health? take a fucking multivitamin, it burns less.
excuse me while i go finish my can of superfrosting.
4 comments:
the first two words that came to mind were "yum!" and "gross!"
now how can that be?
another demographic that pisses me off is people who talk about how "red wine is so good for you." oh, shut up. just because you saw that shit on msn after you logged out of hotmail doesn't mean i want to hear you talk about it.
THIS IS AWESOME. i just cracked up out loud. can i quote this?
also, i love how your november 14 post argued the merits of savory breakfast items over sweet!
ah youth. You all have no idea how well your hormones are screening your bodies from the reality of how what you eat affects how you feel and how you look. Give it a couple of years and with great certainty I can say you will change your tune. Have you heard anything about diabetes? Obesity? Do you know what the medical definition of obesity is? Superfoods, like all fresh good food, work as part of a balanced diet. You didn't want to hear this did you? thats what we old folks are staying around for. Why have a health care system unless its for saving train wrecks.
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