that's how they get ya 10/16/09

saying i'm a little impatient is like saying mao zedong was a little bit communist, and when it comes to food, i'm even worse. tonight, i thought it was time to stop eating prepared food, so i decided i would make something quick, like rice. i rummaged though the cabinet and found this:

perfect. i love brown rice pilaf. pilaf is a weird word that sounds less like a food item and more like a special cough to clear your throat, but i was happy to make it. i scanned the back of the package, gathered a saucepan, butter, salt and turned on the burner.

i was just about to tear open the box when i read a little bit further: Simmer for 32 to 37 minutes, the box said.

i don't know who the people at brown rice pilaf inc. think they're dealing with, but i'm not interested in things that take more than 10 minutes to prepare.






that would be a no.






i mean, i'm sure there's something that takes more than 10 minutes that i could make without being resentful, but we're talking about STARCH, not even a substantial part of the meal. 37 minutes is almost two full episodes of Family Guy on hulu. no, not for rice, sorry.

i was pissed. i had been deceived. it's a steadfast rule of american cooking that if something comes in a box, it needs to be cooked in seven minutes flat. the macaroni & cheese people get it, why not pee-loff?

anyway, i'm still pissed. if i were a senior citizen, i'd talk about this at my next game of bridge. as this isn't the case, i'll probably forget about this by tomorrow morning.

excuse me while i go spend 40 minutes looking for something that will cook in seven.