this. was. awful. i deserve a medal for this one. i'm pretty sure that even if satan woke up on the wrong side of the bed with a hangover, he wouldn't want to serve this in the hell cafeteria.it's entirely my fault. the first thing i did wrong was use brussels sprouts. i really, really don't like them, but i re-try things periodically to make sure my disdain is still warranted. (it is.)
when i was little, i used to moan about having to wash rice. "just wash it," my dad would say, "they dry rice on the road in india, you never know if cow dung gets in there."
that kept playing over and over in my head as i poured the rice directly into the pot. "fuck that," i thought, "that's why i'm using boiling water."
it turns out that even if boiling water can sterilize, it can't kill the taste of armpit. at least i salted the water, which sounds even worse, but it actually made it bearable. i'm like a cow; give me a salt lick and i'll shut up.
i decided that the best thing to accompany unseasoned brussels sprouts and salt rice is canned refried beans.
i should tell you that by the time i made that decision, i felt crazy. not "had a long day at the office" crazy, but nursing home crazy. i had effectively already tossed my pills and spit at the nurse, why not just crap my pants, too?
so i measured out one glop of beans from the can and slapped them atop the pile. because the rice and sprouts were already 500 degrees, i couldn't bear the thought of heating the food anymore, so i ate the beans at room temperature.
i laughed as i was eating, alternating between my nuclear rice and the tepid beans, because really, what else can you do in that case?
because my meal was so delicious, i ate slowly. really, really slowly. but then the air caught up with me, gave my beans a crust, made the sprouts cold and made the rice tough.
at least it was healthy and really fiber-y. i could have used brown rice or millet to be healthier, but since i'm not a goat, i'll stick to white rice.
i think i'm gonna let the good folks at my local dining establishments do the work for me tomorrow.
2 comments:
i, too, had an infuriating meal today. with my entire family in tow, i drove straight from the restaurant to nation's where i promptly scarfed own a BLT and french fries to make up for my abomination of a meal. my food was so gross at the restaurant i actually complained and had it taken off the bill.
i would indeed give you a medal for that if i had one to give
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