afternoon 10/1/09

i was so excited for lunch. i knew right away that i wanted a togo's avocado and cheese sandwich. there's something about bread that tastes like pillow stuffing and mayonnaise that doesn't require refrigeration that makes me giddy.

i was going to get a small, but i was already getting a diet soda, so i figured i had met my "smart choices" quota for the week. i ordered this beast:

i started with the left half, because i eat like i write. it was everything i wanted. i tugged at the leathery crust and dropped lettuce on my lap when it finally submitted to me and separated from the rest of the sandwich. the avocado tasted too tangy not to have been messed with- i'm guessing one of those preservatives that we'll hear about in 10 years when a university scientist discovers it makes mice sterile was the culprit.

i was happier than a pig in shit (pardon the french).

as i rounded the figurative corner of the first sandwich half, i looked at the second and had a realization: i felt bad for the half still on the plate. it was getting no attention and was probably lonely. i needed to eat it immediately.

then i realized another thing: i had just anthropomorphized my sandwich.

i'm pretty sure that a big, red, food-issue flag is believing that one's food is human-like and has emotional needs, including needing to be eaten.

so i filibustered my lunch and stopped here. a second later, i realized i wasn't hungry anymore.


it's probably no big deal to most people that i stopped eating when i was no longer hungry because that's what most people do. but i'm special. eating has never been about satiating hunger to me. eating is a recreational activity for me.

when the other boys played video games and tortured animals, i made banana bread and ate the whole loaf before anyone knew what had happened.

i've never had a hard time knowing when i'm hungry, i've just had a hard time caring about eating only then.

but i'm content right now: half a sandwich and the self-righteous glee of not eating the other half is all i need to feel satisfied.