first meal

toast seems like a pretty good way to start the day. i'm sensitive to sweet in the morning, so something bland is good. i have some maple-almond bread that i decided to use.

since, as of three days ago, coffee gives me heartburn (or acid reflux? is that the same thing?), that's out, so i had some water.

there was a line in beauty and the beast where beast says tells his dancing candle (or teapot or something) that belle may have "a glass of water, crust of bread, then off to bed." that's pretty much what just happened to me.


i used earth balance spread because butter is too hard to spread on toast and since i'm impatient and about as graceful as a drunk russian, i normally massacre my toast and render it a concave, butter-saturated pancake.

since a slice of bread is supposed to be, like, 1/2" thick and a serving of earth balance is supposed to be a tablespoon, and my servings were about four inches and half a cup, respectively, let's say this breakfast cost me about 12,000 calories. i suspect this may be why i'm overweight.

since i wasn't out of breath after eating, i knew i was still hungry, so here's part 2:


you're looking at the ingredients for a fluffernutter. in the event that you didn't grow up in the 50s or a trailer park, a fluffernutter is a sandwich made with peanut butter (preferably an ultra-processed variety) and marshmallow creme. (not cream, mind you, but creme.) i opted to use homemade bread in lieu of wonderbread because i am, after all, watching my weight.

excuse me while i go shoot insulin into my arm.